#111: Attending A Big Fat Indian Wedding
Weddings are a big thing in India. They are much awaited event, not only for the bride and groom but also the family and friends. Each wedding has multiple events, which last for many days. Even with a cut down version, the wedding I attended was a four-day affair.
We moved from Sonipat to Chandigarh, where my husband’s younger sister lives. After a couple of days rest and shopping we got sucked into wedding festivities.
Indian weddings are full of traditions, rituals as rites which differ from region to region and religion to religion. Then there are subtle differences from based on cast. The wedding I attended was a North Indian Punjabi wedding and the groom was my husband’s nephew.
The first event was on Thursday. It was a puja ceremony (Amrit Vani paath), to thank the Gods, for their blessings that such an auspicious event is happening in the family. This ceremony is normally done in grooms home, to create the sacred vibes in house. About 80 close family and friends attended the event, which was followed by dinner. Similar ceremony was done in brides house as well.
The next was Mehni ceremony where henna is applied to the bride and groom and their family and friends. Henna is made from leaves of a local bush which grow all over India. It leaves a cooling effect when it dries. This ceremony is borrowed from Muslim culture.
The next was a big event called Sangeet (music night). Previously, it used it be a held at home. Women of the wedding house and neighbourhood, after finishing all the chores, would get together and sing and dance a night before the wedding.
It has morphed into a big event nowadays, usually held at a hired venue with Bollywood style performances. It is an occasion to show off your dresses and dance moves. Grooms parents, aunts and uncles, cousins and friends danced on Bollywood songs till past midnight.
The drinks and canapés were plentiful followed by lavish dinner. The party was still young when we left close to midnight. Young and old, all dancing to the beat of dhol (Indian drum) and DJ.
Weddings used to be performed at home, but now-a-days for convenience and elaborate events and growing guest numbers families prefer to move to resorts which are built for wedding purposes. They have big halls, outdoor settings and accommodation.
The next day was the wedding ceremonies which started at 10:30 am and kept going till 4:30 am till the next day.
First ceremony was called ‘Haldi,’ where the groom body is purified with batna ( a mixture of chickpea flour, turmeric and yogart) which acts as a exfoliate. This is done over elaborate puja where all the close relatives take part. Then groom’s mama (mother’s brother) took groom for a bath. Groom wore new clothes and sat at the haven ( fire worship) and made offers to the ancestors of the family. A similar ceremony was performed at bride’s home.
After that the family has special meal cooked in the family kitchen. After this ceremony the groom (and the bride) are not allowed to leave home until the wedding.
Then around 4:30 bride’s brothers and other close relatives came to grooms quarters with offering of fruits and sweets and to put tilak on grooms forehead. It signifies that groom is now committed and the bride’s family has accepted him. In certain casts this is the occasion to offer big gifts to the groom.
Then came ‘sehra bandhi’ ceremony, where the groom, all dressed up in wedding outfit wears a ‘sehra’ to cover his face. It could be made or white flowers or white beads. He is to keep his face hidden and reveal it only when he meet the bride. Of course nowadays, they push the covering aside for photos.
Following that the groom mounts the horse and wedding party walks to brides place dancing all the way. Our groom was reluctant to mounts the horse hence a chariot was arranged. The distance between the groom’s and bride’s quarters was just 100 meters but it took us two hours to get there because of all the dancing.
The wedding dinner is thrown by bride’s side and it was a sumptuous affair. First were canapé (which are called snacks). Though they were vegetarian (no meat or drinks are served on wedding day) but there were at least thirty of those.
The dinner consisted of at lease fifty dishes and fifteen deserts. Not only Indian dishes but also Thai, Indonesian and Italian. I was full with canapé and had only Jalebes (a typical Punjabi sweet) afterwards.
While guests were busy meeting and greeting (and eating) bride and groom exchanged the garlands, the first act of actual wedding ceremony.
After that a long photo session started where each guest was invited to get their photo taken with the bride and groom. Most of the guests left after dinner, while the immediate family stayed for ‘phere,’ (the Hindu wedding ceremony) which started at 1:00 AM and completed at 4:30 AM.
The wedding ceremony has so many ritual and rites and each one has a deep meaning. I don’t think I can cover it here. I want to leave you with the photo of cheerful bride and groom who look stunning for their big day.
PS: I apologies for the delay in this newsletter and any error in the text. I wrote it between flights and train rides. We have arrived in Leh, the capital of Ladakh (the highest Himalayan state of India. In my next newsletter I will write about that.
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That’s all from me this week.
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Wow! So amazing. Thanks for an inside look at your husband’s nephew’s wedding. Was yours so elaborate too?
Wow!! That was fascinating!! Thank you for sharing it!! My college friend (over 25 years ago) from India had told me about the Indian weddings she'd attended and I remember asking here where all the guests stayed. My friend said they stayed in people's homes which were often very crowded. So your mention of wedding resorts makes a lot of sense! I marvel at all of the food too!! Wow!! Happy travels! I look forward to whatever you write next.