Dear Reader,
I’ve spent a lot of time in my life trying to force myself to do things. Really good things. Things that are important to me. Things like meditation, visualisation, daily walking, yoga, reading, going to the gym, and so on. I set schedules over and over. (7:00 to 7:30 meditation, 7:30 to 8:00 yoga, 4:00 to 5:00 PM gym or walk, 10:00 to 11:00PM reading) I fail way more than I succeed, which makes me really, really upset.
Each time I fail (either due to my fault or life getting in the way) I get angry with myself. I curse my lack of discipline, shame myself for watching mindless movies rather than reading a good book, vow never to miss the gym even if it is cold and raining. And then I get into the spiral of self-hatred and soul searching to unearth the seeds of this self-sabotage.
It sucks.
Yesterday, I finally realized that this method would never ever work.
It never has. I have been setting these schedules for three decades and have never stuck with them. Yet there are many things I do consistently without having to force myself to do them. I write daily. I love to paint. Skeching is not drudgery any more. Yet these things were so hard not so long ago.
I knew I had to give up being regimental with my day. I don’t respond well to discipline. My motivation is routed in genuine curiosity and learning new things. I like to wake up in the morning and think what I would like to do today. The answer usually comes immediately. Either in the form of a new idea or a task. Along with it comes a surge of energy to do it.
I am one of those who like to act on an idea immediately. While the idea is still hot, and I have this boundless energy to do it.
Yesterday morning, I was awake early. I wrote my daily diary, edited and scheduled the Medium article for the day even before I had breakfast. That freed up my morning. Rather than picking up a task from the To Do list, I asked myself What would I like to do? What do I really feel like doing?
The answer came - “bath.” “I would like to immerse myself in hot water in my newly renovated bathroom.”
And I did just that.
For more than an hour I lay in the hot water listening to YouTube videos.
And as if by serendipity, a video had just the message I needed to hear at this point in my life. (Here is the link if you want to hear it too).
After that I did all the things I yell at myself to do. I meditated. I went to gym. I even wrote another article and scheduled it. The whole day I worked on another level. My day looked pretty much exactly like my days do when I succeed in being “disciplined.” Only this time, it seemed effortless.
I have no problem with discipline. Discipline is necessary to get things done and build good habits. But sometimes we become over disciplined. We lose the joy in spontaniety. We forget to do things for joy of doing them alone.
There is definitely stuff that needs doing that is just never going to be fun like cooking, vacuuming, washing, laundry, paying bills and cleaning the garage. But I suggest that instead of being disciplined about them or hating yourself for not get things done, try listening to yourself. Ask yourself what you feel like doing? What will bring you joy?
It won’t be easy to ignore the To Do list. It will take a lot of courage. But try it one day. This Sunday maybe, as it is Mother’s Day.
See what happens. Let me know.
This week I published a microstory, A Christmas Wish.
Here are free links to read this week’s articles published on Medium.
Clap Or Not Clap, That Is The Question
Oh My God, I Am All Over Twitter
I Have Banned Myself From Buying Any More Online Courses
The London Eye, Palace of Westminster and Westminster Abbey
Enjoy!
That’s it from me this week.
Take care.
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I really enjoyed reading this week's episode Neera. It resonated so well with me. You have taught me a lot about discipline.. You always seem to be on target. I now know that you are not perfect and you slip up at times. I start forgiving myself for being too hard on myself. But you're so right too... When you're doing the things you love. it's really just effortless. I can say also I like writing too. I write not for the money but the satisfaction it brings just putting thoughts on paper in a logical way.. That those thoughts could influence someone.. Bye. I didn't realize I was writing so long. lol