Book Recommendation #10: How To Change by Katy Milkman

The Science of Getting From Where You Are to Where You Want To Be

Have you ever wondered why is it so very hard to get from where you are to where you want to be?

You set goals to walk ten thousand steps a day, eat healthy, keep your inbox organized, and write daily, but after a few days, you find yourself slipping back into old habits.

You’re not alone.

Change is hard even for the most disciplined of us.

Don't worry, help is on the way.

Behavioral scientist and professor at The Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania, Katherine Milkman, has discovered how to align our actions with our goals and dreams.

When I discovered Katy Milkman’s book How To Change: The Science of Getting From Where You Are to Where You Want To Be, I was so excited that I devoured it within a few days.

She argues that the key to a better life isn’t eliminating the impulses that make us human, but understanding them, outsmarting them, and whenever possible, turning them to our advantage rather than letting them work against us.

Our first attempts(at anything) may not be perfect, but whatever we care about, we can quickly learn how to do better, faster and more efficiently.

Here are ten lessons I took from the book on overcoming obstacles and creating lasting change:

1. The Fresh Start Effect

If you believe New Year’s resolutions don’t work, think again. Research shows otherwise—people who set goals on New Year's are more likely to stick with them compared to any other time of the year.

“[R]ather than perceiving time as a continuum, we tend to think about our lives in “episodes,” creating story arcs from the notable incidents, or chapters, in our lives.”

To make any change, timing matters. Starting new goals around “temporal landmarks” (like a new year, birthday, or the start of a week) can give a psychological boost, making us more likely to succeed.

“The fresh start effect capitalizes on moments in life when we feel we can turn the page on our past failures and start anew. The power of fresh starts comes from the sense of optimism they generate: 'That was the old me, but now I have a clean slate.' This moment of separation from our past selves gives us the momentum we need to initiate change.”

2. Overcoming Impulsivity

Many people struggle with procrastination and short-term temptations.

Impulsivity is a formidable obstacle to achieving long-term goals. When we act impulsively, we prioritize short-term pleasure at the expense of future benefits. Overcoming impulsivity requires creating systems and routines that encourage patience, like setting up automatic savings accounts or pre-committing to decisions that lock in good behaviors ahead of time.

3. Temptation Bundling

One of the most effective strategies for tackling impulsivity and making tasks more enjoyable is temptation bundling.

Temptation bundling is pairing something you want to do with something you need to do. It’s a way of tricking your brain by combining an enjoyable activity with a less desirable task.

By pairing an activity you find pleasurable, like watching your favorite show, with a task you want to do more of, like exercising, you can create positive associations and make those tasks easier to stick with.

“By combining something tempting with something tedious, you can make it easier to build new habits, because you’re leveraging the power of immediate rewards.”

4. Resisting Procrastination

We procrastinate when a task feels overwhelming or when we’re uncertain about how to begin. One solution is to break the task into smaller, more manageable steps, each with its own reward.

Breaking tasks into bite-sized pieces can help make them feel less daunting. By focusing on just the first step, we eliminate the psychological barrier that makes starting feel impossible.

In addition, external commitments (promises, deadlines, or apps that hold you accountable) can be powerful tools for fighting procrastination.

5. The Power of Defaults

Default settings exert an enormous influence on our behavior because they represent the path of least resistance.

People often stick with default options whether it’s the amount we save in our retirement account or the food we order at a restaurant, we tend to go along with it.

Altering defaults to align with long-term goals can nudge us toward better outcomes.

“Changing default settings shapes behavior because we tend to stick with the path of least resistance, even when a better option is just a click away.”

6. Social Support and Peer Influence

The people around us shape our actions in profound ways. When we’re surrounded by people who encourage positive behaviors and model success, we’re more likely to adopt those behaviors ourselves. When we choose the right peer group, we create an environment that supports our goals.

Finding a community that shares our goals can create a powerful support system and increase our chances of success. Learning from others who have achieved what we’re aiming not only boosts our motivation but provides guidance as well.

7. Set Concrete Goals

Abstract goals lead to abstract progress. Specific, concrete goals provide a clear roadmap and make it easier to measure success.

Set specific, measurable, and achievable goals. Abstract goals are harder to work toward, but concrete ones provide a clear path and sense of progress. For instance, instead of saying "I want to exercise more," say "I will walk for 30 minutes three times a week."

8. Reframing Failure

Failure is an inevitable part of the journey toward change. Failure isn’t necessarily bad, but how we interpret failure can make all the difference.

Instead of seeing it as proof of our inadequacy, we can view it as feedback. Failures give us valuable information about what works and what doesn’t, helping us adjust our strategies and move forward. Learn from mistakes and keep progressing, rather than seeing them as reasons to give up.

“Instead of viewing failures as evidence that we’re incapable of change, we can treat them as valuable information to help guide our future efforts.”

9. Tailoring Solutions to the Problem

There’s no universal solution for achieving change. Different problems require different strategies.

Whether you’re battling impulsivity, forgetfulness, or a lack of motivation, the key is diagnosing the specific issue and then choosing the right tool from the behavioral science toolkit to overcome them.

10. The Importance of Fun

We often think that change requires discipline and sacrifice, but fun is a critical and often overlooked motivator. Fun is a very effective tool for change.

When we make the process of change enjoyable—by gamifying our goals or incorporating activities we love into our routines—we’re more likely to stick with it in the long run.

“Making hard things fun is a much better strategy than making hard things seem important.”

Rather than focusing solely on discipline and willpower, make the process of change enjoyable. Finding joy in the journey can increase the likelihood of sticking with new habits.

There you go.

These are my notes from the book. But I do encourage you to read How To Change: The Science of Getting From Where You Are to Where You Want To Be, as it has interesting stories and research-based insights to offer practical advice to create lasting change in your life.

• Stay open to all experiences.

Find Your Artistic Voice is strewn with interviews and Lisa Congdon’s colorful sketches. It is a lovely read. Something to keep and read when you need to lift your spirits.

P.S.: This post contains affiliate links.

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Each week, I share a book I’m reading. I know you’re an avid reader too. Have you been reading something that you want to recommend. Please share it in the comments section so that I can put it on my reading list.

As always, thanks for reading.

See you next week.