In the previous weeks I talked about my mother leaving her teaching job to raise me and my brother. Once we were both safely attending school, my mother embarked on a quest to find teaching positions.
In India, securing employment is a daunting task, with hundreds of applicants vying for every position, often favoring those with influential connections. Despite lacking such connections, luck smiled upon us when a nearby school had an opening. My mother implored my father to intervene, and after some dramatic negotiations with a few school board members, she secured the job.
This marked a turning point for our family. Apart from my mother being happier, as she was doing what she loved doing the most, there was more money to spend. We could afford to buy extra things. Both my parents being careful spenders, we started with the items we needed most. We bought a steel cupboard, a dressing table, and a refrigerator. But it was the arrival of the dining table that left the most lasting impression on me.
42. The Dining Table
I still vividly remember the day our dining table was delivered. The day it was supposed to arrive, my brother and I were all dressed up ready to receive it (we were still in primary school then). In our excitement, we were checking the street every five minutes for a delivery van. Hours passed by, and it started to get dark; there was no sign of the dining table. We couldn’t wait any longer. Even my parents were a bit disappointed. The furniture dealer promised them that it would be delivered that day.
"Hey kids, shall we walk to the main road to check if it has arrived there?" suggested my father.
“Yes, please,” we both begged.
My parents locked the house and we walked down the streets to get to the main road. There was no sign of our dining table. We decided to go a little further. Half an hour later, we reached the local shopping center but did not come across any delivery van. Our excitement gradually waned and just as we were about to give up, my mother spotted an old man pushing a cart across the road. On the cart sat our dining table, its six chairs tied upside down with a rope. It was not the delivery method we had anticipated. We were thinking of a mini truck or a trailer, but there it was, painstakingly pushed by the elderly man over two hours.
It was a beautiful table with intricately carved solid legs and a glossy sun-mica wood-grain top. We will not dare touch it with our finger, lest we leave marks on the perfect varnish. The smell of fresh paint is still fresh in my memory. My mother established a cleaning regimen, reserving a special soft cloth for the purpose and meticulously wiping it down three times after every meal.
That dining table remained the centerpiece of my mother’s home for three decades. We had so many memorable meals on that table. My father’s friends ate there, and so did my mother’s colleagues. An extensive meal was served to my ‘would-be-in-laws’ when they came to see me. My husband, my children, my brother’s wife, and his children - all have been eating at that table every time they go and visit my mother’s house. A couple of chairs got broken and they were put against the wall, they remained in use. Every time I visited my parents, that table housed my favorite sweets, fruits, nuts, and cookies.
Since that dining table, we bought many other possessions - furniture, clothes, jewelry but the joy we had from owning that table remains unmatched. That was the day when an eight-year-old girl realized that she could enjoy the riches of the world. Even now, whenever I make a significant purchase, I find myself subconsciously comparing it to the sheer delight I felt on the day our dining table arrived—the day I truly understood the value of material wealth and the profound happiness it can bring.
43. Gymnastics
When I joined high school, I had the opportunity to participate in sports trials.
I never possessed the strength of an athlete and hardly had the stamina to play a team sport. However, there was one sport that I could do that didn’t require strength or stamina - gymnastics. So, I decided to try it out.
A group of girls stood in a queue and were called one by one to perform certain exercises. The trainer, an older, nice, gentleman, would then either select them or reject them. When my turn came, he asked me to touch my feet, bend backward, and balance on the beam. I did all that easily. He then asked me to lie on the floor on my stomach and bend backward, touching my feet to my head. I did that easily as well.
The trainer was very pleased. “Your body is very elastic. You can be in the school gymnastics team.”
It was the first time I had received positive feedback in a sporting activity. Normally, I would be the last one to finish a race. Excited, I came home and told my parents that I had been selected for the school gymnastics team. But, my father told me not to go for it. According to him, competing in sports would interfere with my studies. I would have to miss classes to attend tournaments, and he wanted me to concentrate on my studies.
That was the end of my sporting career and two seconds of sporting glory. But I have kept that moment in my memory to tell myself that I did have at least one sporting area where I could have excelled.
44. The Girl Guides
To compensate for the denial to be in gymnastics, my father allowed me to be a girl guide. Partly because he himself was a scout in school. There wasn’t much time commitment to be a girl guide other than two half-hour sessions after school where they taught us various Knotts and other survival skills (which I hardly remember). But we did get to participate in district Independence and Republic Day parades. I had a uniform, a girl guide scarf, and stars to decorate my blouse as I moved through the ranks.
But one major advantage of Girl Guide was that I got to go to a National Jamboree in Bombay. It was the first time I went out of the house on my own. We stayed in camps on a large ground, almost outside the city hustle where thousands of girl guides were showcasing their skills. There were state-wide sports competitions, cultural activities, performances, dances, and campfires. In the last two days, we went sightseeing and shopping. I bought my first bell-bottom myself from the spending money my parents gave me. These were the most cherished memories of my teen years.
45. An Autograph
On the last day of the Jamboree, we stayed in shared accommodation when a girl’s cousin came to meet her. The word got around that he was a movie actor. We all went into a frenzy to find a paper and a pen to get his autograph. I was the first one to retrieve a notebook and a pen and reached him. He threw an enchanting smile in my direction and asked me what name should he write his message. I gave him my name. With wide confident strokes, he wrote “Dear Neera…. “
I don’t even remember his name or which movie he was in, but I do remember feeling special getting him to write a personal message to me with the suffix ‘dear.’ By this time, other girls crowded around him, and I lost that personal moment I had with a celebrity I didn’t even know.
When our teachers came into the room, they were furious to see the girls crowding around a male, celebrity or not. I got so scared of their reaction that I tore away that autograph so that I didn’t get in trouble with them. That was the first and last autograph of anyone I took in my life. A little later, I read a quote somewhere:
“Don’t waste time collecting other people’s autographs. Use it to make your autograph worth collecting.”
I have been acting on this advice ever since.
46. Quotations Notebooks
I didn’t collect autographs, but one thing that I did collect was quotations. From my early teen years, I kept notebooks where I collected quotes from newspapers and magazines, particularly Reader's Digest. My grandfather was an avid reader of Reader's Digest, and we had a big collection of those in our house.
My quotation notebooks were my go-to source for inspiration and guidance whenever I needed them. This habit has remained with me ever since. I have the largest collection of quotations of anyone I know. One day, I want to convert them into a book too.
47. A Widow
Remember our landlord I wrote about a few weeks back? The one who used to give us coins everytime he would meet us. He had a son who lived in London. One day, he came to visit his parents. We learned that he was getting married. His marriage was hastily arranged under pressure from his parents. When the bride arrived, and my parents went to give them a wedding gift (usually in the form of money). I was with them and I remember saying to myself, how pretty the bride is.
The groom went back after a few days. The bride stayed behind waiting for her visa. Months passed, and the visa didn’t arrive. Then we learned that the boy wrote to his wife that he was already married in London and had two kids. He agreed to the marry her because his parents wouldn’t let him go without getting married.
One day, my mother and I visited the bride who was now living with her parents. She was a teacher too. My mother asked her whether there was any more correspondence from him. She shook her head. I can still recall her desolate face; it was still pretty, but the light had gone from it. She was now a widow whose husband was still alive.
This incident had a profound impression on my young mind. A girl’s life was wasted because a boy was too weak to say no to his parents.
48. New Rented Apartment
Soon after our landlord passed away, the house went to one of his daughters. She had four daughters and a handicapped son. Her husband was a shrewed man, an exact opposite of our previous landlord. They wanted to move into the house themselves, but none of the tenants wanted to move out. We were all so comfortable in our rented apartments and frankly couldn’t comprehend moving anywhere else.
The landlord’s daughter and family moved into the two tiny rooms their parents occupied and started putting pressure on us to vacate. We hired a lawyer to seek protection under the tenants act. One day, when we were out of the house, the new landlord put locks over our locks. A big brawl followed. Eventually, we had no choice but to vacate the place.
One of my mother’s friends, another school teacher, gave us two rooms temporarily from her massive house while we looked for another property to rent. A couple of months later, after looking at tens of other properties, my parents found another suitable apartment. We moved there under dire circumstances.
49. A Beautiful Paternal House
While we were being forced to vacate the house, my grandfather retired and moved to a beautiful house he had bought in Ludhiana for his retirement. We visited him and instantly fell in love with his house.
It was a villa with vacant land all around it. The front had a garden with a guava tree and rose bushes marking the boundary. On the right side was a massive mulberry tree. It was on a corner block right next to the local shops. The locality was posh with beautiful houses all around, and ours was in a prime location.
My grandfather asked my parents to apply for transfers from their jobs and move there. For us, it was a dream come true.
50. The Dreaded Disease
But within months of moving to the new house my grandfather started feeling unwell. The transfer didn’t work out, and my grandfather got sicker and sicker.
Amritsar had better medical care than Ludhiana, so my father decided to bring him to Amritsar. This was the precise moment when we were homeless and living in the temporary accommodation in my mother’s friend’s house. When we finally moved to our own apartment, my sick grandfather and grandmother moved in with us. That was when he was diagnosed with cancer. After a long and painful battle with mesentery cancer, he passed away. I watched him take his last breath. It was a horrifying experience at that age. He was a real gentleman and a loving soul. The stories of his kindness and generosity are still remembered by his recipients. For us, his grandchildren, he was an angel.
I still miss him to this day.
That’s all from me this week.
See you next Friday.
What your family went through for jobs and living arrangements! Oh and that poor bride! Great stories, Neera!
Hi Neera, we had a few dining tables during my early years, but one I remember is the one we played table tennis on, happy memories. Our dining table now was purchased so we could fit our family, albeit it has grown considerably, so extra tables need to be brought in these days. I didn’t have an autograph book but I have my grandmothers which is filled with fabulous sayings and drawings. I also went to a girl Guides, I did all the tests but rarely got awarded with my badges even though I passed. Not a great feeling even today. I couldn’t comprehend being ejected from accommodation, even though you were young and may not have totally understood, and I can imagine that you may well have been in tears writing that last paragraph.